That's a life you can hang your hat on . . .

Tomorrow is my last day at Old Boys'. I suppose that I never really thought that I would have a last day. Jim, Jen, Chip, and Jon bought me balloons and a card on Saturday. I'm gonna miss them. And everyone else. I cried when I hugged Angie goodbye. And I can't even imagine saying bye to Anni. That's gonna be the hardest of all.
And I've had mixed emotions about Kalamazoo. Don't get me wrong. I want to be down there with all of my friends, but I just don't know. I'm so afraid that I'm not going to be able to afford living down there, with rent, car payments, and car insurance. And these stupid phone bills. (I think I should probably up my minutes. This is getting a bit outrageous.) I just realized the other day that I am now completely independent. I'm on my own. Everything is in my name, and all the responsibility is on me. It's terrifying.
But it's not just that, either. Recently, I have felt a lot of pressure about a decision that I made. I am completely sure that I made the right decision for me, but no one else seems to agree. My entire life, I have been a push-over, and the one time I finally try to stand up for myself, even my closest friends want me to just "do the nice thing"... I've always done the nice thing. I have always put everyone else's best intrest before my own. I hate hurting feelings, and I hate saying no (or, for this matter, yes). Making sure that everyone else was happy and comfortable was my main priority. But I often get screwed over and hurt. For once, I am just looking out for me: for MY comfort, MY happiness, and hell, even just my sanity. I'm not asking everyone else make the same decision I have. That would be absurd and uncalled for. All I'm asking is for everyone to respect mine. Feelings may end up hurt, on both ends. But feelings are always going to get hurt, regardless. I'm not going out of my way and changing my mind just to please everyone.

I'm sorry, as I know that this is not what many of you want to hear. But I have had a very difficult time talking to you about it. I hope that this will help you to understand where I am coming from. You still may not agree, but please just understand.